i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
