He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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