a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
