I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize