Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
