That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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