Don't you send me to vm
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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