Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize