She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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