I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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