the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
