when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
