can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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