you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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