just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize