Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
