Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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