I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
