he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
