My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
