grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize