Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
