i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
