I'm gonna have a badass scar
You can't special order awesome
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
