I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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