physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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