Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize