I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
