just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
