I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
