I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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