All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
please come you make the beer taste better
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
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