I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
