I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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