Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
