Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize