I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
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