I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
