The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
