Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
