It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize