I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
