He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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