I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize