She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
