i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
