either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
