Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize