dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
