I just saw a hot homeless man
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
