I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
