There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
