As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
