i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
