Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize