So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
