Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
