Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
