no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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