after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
there is glitter all over my balls
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