It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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