It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
