Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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