so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
