I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
