I am puke
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my liver is dry heaving
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
