i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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