and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
