God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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