he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
