I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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