So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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