I molested 6 butterflies tonight
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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