he shaved USA in his pubs
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
