my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
