I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
