So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
